It's All About Preparation

One of the causes of hemorrhoids is increased intra-abdominal pressure - in other words, too much straining. With all the clenched assholes around USC and UCLA during their first games of the season, I certainly hope both programs have a healthy stock of Preparation-H.

USC’s case was self-inflicted. Quarterback Matt Barkley and receiver Robert Woods had chemistry from the start. On the Trojans’ first play from scrimmage against Minnesota, Barkley hit Woods on a two-yard pass. Of his record 34 completions, a record 17 was caught by Woods.

“I have a trust with him that he will be there every time,” Barkley said. “He runs smart routes with great athleticism. He knows where to be, and I know we can count on him.”

And Woods played his part of the lovefest. “They gave me some room to start, and Matt did the rest. He’s giving me a chance out there, and having a full year of experience to grow together really makes a big difference.”

So what happened? Barkley had 304 yards of offense with three touchdowns, and the Trojans only coughed the ball up once. So what gives? Why did they barely escape with a 19-17 win?

Head coach Lane Kiffin reinforced his utter disdain of kickers by giving freshman Andre Heidari only one extra point chance that he converted to end the first half. After quarterback Barkley drove the Trojans 66 yards in 13 plays to score a touchdown in their opening drive, Rhett Ellison couldn’t get into the end zone after some trickery.

“We’re trying to run and advantage play and their linebackers happened to step up and make the play to stop us,” Kiffin said.

After Barkley hooked up with Robert Woods 43 yards in the second quarter for their second touchdown, Barkley threw an incomplete pass on the conversion.

“It was just a bad throw, probably one of Matt’s only mistakes in the game,” Kiffin commented.

It wasn’t until Barkley and Woods hooked up for a touchdown for the third time that Heidari got to score a point for the Trojans.

This went on throughout the game. Leading 19-3 the Trojans opened the third quarter getting down to Minnesota’s 35-yard line. Instead of going for the 50-yard field goal or punting the ball, the Trojans went for it on fourth down. The snap went over Barkley’s head and was grabbed up by Minnesota 35 yards away. Oops. Three plays later Minnesota scores a touchdown and makes it 19-10.