Do you really want to leave your conference?

Now, I’m sure everyone out there who knows the difference between a pig skin and a pork rind has heard that our beloved Aggies are attempting an end-around and trying to join the Southeast Conference. Apparently, A&M has gotten fed up with playing against Longhorns, Bears and Cowboys and now want to try their luck against Tigers, Gators and Bulldogs.

For nearly a century, the Aggies have been playing in the Southwest Conference and the Big 12 (+/- a few), and now they want to break tradition and join the big boys in the SEC. Don’t ask me why they want to do this, unless they like getting their butts whupped every Saturday, but if they want to go, let ’em!

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hate A&M like some folk around these parts. I do like the Longhorns more than the Aggies, but I enjoy watching A&M on TV. It’s a great school and has a pretty good football team. Texas A&M is rich in tradition and has loyal fans stretched all over the Lone Star State. A&M is well-known across the nation for their traditions, like the “12th Man,” the “Wrecking Crew” and their bonfires. The rivalry between the Aggies and Texas Longhorns has been going on since 1894, and that traditional Thanksgiving game may soon become a distant memory. Thanksgiving just won’t be the same without watching the ’Horns and Aggies while trying to digest 10 pounds of turkey and a bucket of dressing.

Another Aggie tradition that I like is after a score, the fellas get to kiss their dates. I’m not sure how long this tradition has been going on, but I read somewhere that back in the ’50s, it was suspended when the school banned livestock from the stands at Kyle Field. Soon after that, A&M allowed girls into their school. My research may not be real thorough, but this sounds feasible to me.

So, if the Texas A&M Aggies do decide to break tradition and head off to the SEC, maybe I should warn A&M players, coaches, students and alumni that they may encounter some rather boisterous, unruly fans in certain stadiums throughout the southeastern United States. If you thought those kids up in Lubbock were rowdy, wait until you enter Neyland Stadium. Comparing the crowd at most SEC home games to the fans in some Big 12 stadiums is like comparing rabies to hemorrhoids. Sure, those Sooner fans may be a pain in the butt, but being surrounded by a horde of whiskey-swiggin’, orange-clad Volunteers can be downright frightening.

As a proud alumnus from THE UT, I was infused with orange blood the moment I walked on campus there in Knoxville, and I do believe that pint of blood had ample amounts of Jack Daniels mixed in. At my first home game, I learned the University of Tennessee also was rich in tradition. Running through the T. The Pride of the Southland Marching Band with its circle drills. “Rocky Top” being sung by 100,000 feral fans. Oh, what great traditions! And our rivalry with Alabama always brought out the best in us, greeting the visiting team with traditional cheers that kept Bear Bryant shaking his head in disgust.

If you Aggie fans are fortunate enough to visit Neyland Stadium in the near future, be warned that about 90,000 Tennesseans may invite your team to take a bite of their backsides, or they may just suggest you take a trip to Hades. Don’t fret none. Tennessee fans are actually right friendly as long as there’s booze in their well-stashed flasks. Are you guys sure you want to play there?

I just can’t figure out why A&M would want to join the SEC. The Aggies have played 4 bowl games against a SEC team since 2000 and didn’t win any of them.  Aggie fans will have to travel long distances to watch away games, and you just can’t find good Mexican food in Florida or Alabama. I am also a bit worried about the safety of A&M’s mascot, Reveille. This cute little collie is fine sharing the field with a steer or a covered wagon, but in the SEC she will have to walk among gators, tigers and vicious razorbacks, not to mention one blue-tick hound up in the Smokies who’s a bit randy. Yep, Reveille may need to be kenneled for road trips.

Perhaps the Aggies should change their mascot once they join the SEC. They could have an old army mule. Nothing will mess with a stubborn mule, plus it will cause Tennessee fans to revise their cheer to prevent any confusion on what to bite. Another appropriate mascot for A&M would be a wild horse who likes to jump fences and search for greener pastures.

Personally, I’d like you Aggies to stay put. Don’t break tradition and continue one of the greatest rivalries in college football. Instead of ripping apart the Big 12, help rebuild it. Invite TCU to join your fraternity. You two were playmates back in the Southwest Conference, and now they have a better, stronger team with a large fan base. You don’t need to travel to Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama to get a butt-whuppin’. You can get that right here in Texas.