Face it, college football is better when Texas is losing. Well, perhaps not better, but definitely more entertaining. Nothing on Broadway in decades has been anywhere near as funny as a Texas message board after the Longhorns go down, and that was again the case this past weekend with Oklahoma State having their way in Austin.
Outside of Texas, with the college football season turning towards the second half there was no shortage of meltdown material across the country, but for purposes of brevity we've capped the piece this week to three more schools. Florida put on one of its ugliest performances since the Carter administration, allowing a weak Auburn team to win with ease simply because the Gators couldn't field a punt, and the once-proud Gator fans were fuming with rage. Meanwhile, Tennessee continues to fall even farther, and with the Vols not even being able to put up a decent fight against LSU more than a few are turning on Derek Dooley. And, of course, we have Ole Miss. Why not? At the end of the day we always have Colonel Reb to kick around.
Subjects of meltdown time this week include dogs, kittens, drunk film review, whiskey, drugs, thrown laptops, Peyton Manning, third graders, flag football, breakdancing, virgins, steroids, Fran, Yankees, Anal Cancer Awareness, tofu, jello, breathalyzers, slaughterhouses, Omaha Steaks, Marcell Dareus, Pasadena, the Allies, the Soviet Union, paralysis recovery centers, porno, Solyndra, drunken urination, hookers, crabs, Scientology, Ron Zook, Valium, Ray Goff, toasters, fat suits, Steve Adazzio, Manute Bol, insomnia, NAPA, lesbians, suicide, cheeseburgers, Bourbon Street, Marines, gay pride, national radio, chainsaws, Omaha Beach, welfare benefits, Roseanne, caves, strychnine, tennis season, hemorrhoids, Astroglide, tree poisoning, alien invasions, Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee, Jacksonville State, South Panola, and ComicCon.
As always, this piece is in no way safe for work, and should not be read by anyone who is easily offended by foul language. Consider yourself warned.
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