Humor is healthy

The repeal of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act is a goal of Nebraska’s Republican Congressmen. Unfortunately, these GOP loyalists have been working so fervently on their own improved, cost efficient, and comprehensive, post repeal health care plans (wink, cough) that they have neglected to enumerate the many compelling reasons for repeal itself. Here are a few that they have failed to pass on to their constituents.

1. Repeal will establish the status quo. Tough minded private insurers can again deny health coverage to people who have been careless, inconsiderate, irresponsible, and neglectful by contracting those disgusting and avoidable medical conditions such as cancer, diabetes, and heart disease.

2. Some discrimination is good. Take for example the applicant for a health care policy whose medical records show a history of back problems, recurring stomach disorders, and some rascally hemorrhoids. Action taken? Insurer advises applicant to sit up straight, take Prilosec, and start scratching because the policy will not cover these problems–medical exclusions at their very best.

3. Families will be reunited. Faced with a $150,000 student loan, no job, bleeding ulcers and being removed from their parents’ health insurance policy, young people from 18 to 26 years of age will make reservations to move back into mom and pop’s basement.

4. Population control. With over 20,000 Americans dying every year due to lack of health insurance, just imagine how many more will die when the ever-rising uninsured soar past the 50 million mark–a population explosion alarmist’s dream scenario.

5. Scrapping the Care Act is charitable. When the individual mandate requiring all Americans to acquire health care is stricken by the Supreme Court as unconstitutional, we can continue to subsidize our enterprising, emergency room visiting, friends who save 20 percent of their earnings by not purchasing health insurance. How satisfying to know that our ever-increasing premium rates are contributing to good will and charity.

6. Be gone dull care! Sixty-two percent of bankruptcies in America are a result of calamitous health care costs. But why fret over catastrophic charges and permanent loss of your credit rating when insurance companies assure us that it is better to lose the farm than to die and pass on the costs to your families. Insurance companies really do prioritize customer benefits over profits–God bless them.

But not all is well. With the annulment of Obamacare (please stand and remove your hats and place them over your heart) comes the realization that many, deserving, caring lobbyists who look after our best interests will lose their jobs when repeal is consummated. It is then that the dreadful domino effect will deprive our beloved Republican Congressmen of thousands of dollars in revenue and campaign funds. And may the wind be always at their back.