Elephant in the room hidden behind nervous ticks

During 20 minutes of contrived theatrics where the think tanks of the US and International teams faced each other over a small wooden divide, nebulous nonsense took a physical presence. Fred Couples, Jay Haas and John Cook sat on one side with printed pieces of paper that contained some handwritten notes or adjustments, Greg Norman, Frank Nobilo and Tim Clark huddled on the other.

The pairing for today's six matches of foursomes was the order of business. When it came to the fifth match and neither Adam Scott nor Tiger Woods's names had popped up, the most talked about match-up since Shane Warne and Liz Hurley had become unavoidable. Scott, with Steve Williams on his bag, would play with KJ Choi against Steve Stricker and Woods, with Williams on his mind.

Captains Norman and Couples both denied the Woods-Scott pairing was planned but said nonetheless that it was for the best. The two men were good mates, it would engage the story of the past week head-on and as an issue it would therefore be dead come Sunday when the singles were to be played and Presidents Cup decided.

Typically, the reason why the Woods-Scott pairing was so sensitive was not mentioned by the captains. Organisers are doing their best to vaporise any evidence that Williams, once on Tiger's bag, called the golfer a "black arsehole" two weeks ago in a grubby night of caddie celebrations. No action was taken by tour officials then and they obviously hope today's match can be the full stop to a saga that they did not - or were incapable of - taking with the appropriate gravitas. They could not find enough reason to sanction Williams but neither could they find their spines.

In fairness, some things had been settled before yesterday's draw. Everybody thinks the course is fantastic (tick), the wind and heat will make gibbering idiots of them all come tomorrow (tick), everybody has bonded to the point they are biologically fused (tick), they all feel they ascended and went to heaven when they drove through the Royal Melbourne gates (tick), they are all so excited to be here representing their, er, team that they wet their pants when picked (messy) and the hometown crowds could well determine the fate of the cup, especially if they kick Tiger's ball deep into the rough (please).

All of that compulsory drooling will be done with by 1.05pm today when Ernie Els and Ryo Ishikawa take on Bubba Watson and Webb Simpson. The format today is foursomes where players take alternate shots. The pairings announcement yesterday was manufactured and barely caused anyone to shift in their seat except for the veteran journalist who subsequently owned up to a case of churlish hemorrhoids.

The opening gambit from Norman, when asked to name his first coupling, was: "I put in Nobilo and Clark." Well, talk about laugh. The only hesitation during the protocol came when Norman announced his exciting pairing of Aaron Baddeley and Jason Day. The Americans paused: "Give us a second here, Sharkie," Couples said. After conferring with his assistants, Couples came up with Dustin Johnson and Matt Kuchar to complete what should be an enthralling third match.

Throughout the build-up to yesterday's draw, much had been made of the most appropriate pairings. Variables such as putting together a big and short hitter; which players prefer what balls; strength of individual relationships and good putter with so-so putter were all said to be considerations to lose sleep over.

Yet there is no doubt a modicum of show business as well as golfing nous was involved with yesterday's draw. Els with the baby of the team Ishikawa, who arrived late and must remain unfamiliar still with the course, makes sense tactically. Els reduced a form of this composite course to 60 shots in the 2004 Heineken Classic. Woods against Scott must have made broadcaster Channel Nine tingle. It makes sense to pair Koreans KT Kim with YE Yang for ease of communication in a team event is self-evident.

For all the trumped-up promotion of this event, some players have gone about their business anonymously. It only became apparent David Toms and Jim Furyk were on the US team when transcripts of their news conferences appeared in the media centre. They were not rambling documents. They must hope their golf talks for them.

For the public, the day ended with an opening ceremony that was necessary but nonetheless long and unremarkable except that Norman was still in denial that Woods had been racially vilified by his former caddie. He referred to it as some other matter.

Much like Tim Finchem, the commissioner of the PGA Tour. In a media interview in the evening he failed to understand the phrase "racial vilification". He needed it explained to him. This is rather surprising after the world's greatest golfer was called a "black arsehole" but does explain why the PGA Tour shied away from taking any action.