I got a little feedback from friends about my last post, and it seems the general consensus was it was pretty nasty. So this time I decided to lighten it up a little by telling you about my love for old Chinese folks.
Like many countries in this crazy mixed-up world of ours, China’s old folks seem to get mad respect. They are probably the only people in Beijing whom others will give up a seat on the metro for, and that says a lot.
But don’t get me wrong, they know how to give you a good glare that says, “Look at me bitches, I’m old! Give me a damn seat!” They also know the power of a good shove when it’s necessary on public transportation. They’re a lot stronger than they look!
The latest Chinese census from 2010 says more people are growing old in China. This is evidenced by the fact that everywhere I go, there’s an old man or woman walking quietly or just chilling out on the nearest stoop. In the past I’ve written about the dancing grannies at night, people who love their doggies, and the goings-on at my local park like ballroom dancing. Well in all these cases one thing remains consistent -– there is always an old person in the picture.
Here in China there is no Florida or Arizona to retire to, so people tend to stay put and rely on their kid or a small pension to help them through their golden years. And they don’t have 250 TV channels of entertainment to choose from like my 90-something grandmother has back home, so most people are outside in the warmer months just hanging out. Plus, in a society obsessed with mind/body health, it wouldn’t surprise me if they believed too much TV contributes to lots of health hazards…something we Americans may not have caught on to just yet.
I often find myself smiling when I see old people and the things they do. Just yesterday I spotted an older guy who cracked me up. It was about 4 in the afternoon and he was crossing the main road near my home – in his pajamas! This isn’t something you see very often, except if you’re hanging out in a hutong (the old-skool style buildings where the real Beijingers live), because they use shared public toilets to pee (no plumbing at home) and it’s not uncommon to see people in their jammies heading to the toilet – but that’s usually at night!
No, this guy yesterday was just crossing the street in the middle of the day in his pajamas. What does he care? Though part of me wonders if he didn’t just think he was cleverly coordinated in his clothing choice and didn’t know he was wearing pajamas, because over here that is entirely possible. I put it in the same category as jogging on a treadmill in a business suit.
As I mentioned before, old folks like to treat their dogs like the baby they once had earlier in life. So, in their later years, a lot of them like to chill out with their pets. There’s one guy who I see every Saturday morning near a local McDonald’s. He’s not really doing anything, just stands there smoking a cigarette while his little fluffy pup lays down on the ground and chills out. They’re like two peas in a pod without a care in the world. I love this guy.
Then there are the folks who want to make an easy buck in retirement. Just because they stopped working a 9-5 doesn’t mean they’re done for good. Some of them set up shop on the streets to sell random jewelry or a few books they put on display on a little sheet on the ground. The other day I saw an old man perched on a little stool selling shoe insoles. (Check out his hot pink socks by the way… oh baby.) But for some reason I can’t figure out, insoles are very popular street items. Then again, if I recall the rank conditions of last summer, our shoes really do need a break from excessive foot sweat.
Then there are the groups of men or women who sit out along the sidewalk to chat and watch the world go by. They’re so cute!
When I see these folks, I can just imagine what they’re saying to each other. So I dreamed up a conversation for them, which goes something like this:
“Hey, Zhang Fang! How’s it going?”
“Hi Zhen Yang. My hemorrhoids are killing me.”
“Oh yeah, I had ‘roids a few years ago, but I got some good meds for it. I might still have that cream at home, which you have to apply directly to your ass. It tingles at first. You want to borrow it? It smells like shit – no pun intended, ha ha! – but it works!”
“Sure, that would be great. Hey, how’s your grandson?”
“Oh he’s great. I took him over to Ritan Park the other day. He took a huge crap on the lawn but it wasn’t messy. He’s definitely over his diarrhea problem – I think the lotus root helped.”
“That’s good to hear. Hey, you up for some mahjongg later?”
“Nah, I’m playing cards with Zhang Min.”
“Biatch.”
Believe it or not, even though Beijing is a massive capital city, the locals still aren’t used to seeing a foreigner out and about, especially a blond. Sometimes when I’m out and about, an old person will strike up a small conversation with me. This happened a few weeks back, when a nice old lady spotted me nearby and seemed intrigued by what I was doing in China. She asked me the usual line of questions – where am I from? Do I teach English or work? Luckily I understood what she was saying in Chinese. But the funny thing about this lady is she had a very thick Beijing accent, which is characterized by a lot of “R” sounds in her speech. To my ear it sounded like this: “Zunmuh yarrr? Arrarrrrar? Rar! Rararrrrararrr!” Maybe this isn’t funny to you, but imagine talking to a cute old southern American lady who has a deep drawl. Cute, no? I re-enacted this Beijing lady’s accent for a fellow expat and we had a bit of a chuckle, because we all know how humorous this local accent can be.
Then there’s the cute old man at work who was shocked and awed when I made my debut at the company canteen. One of the perks of my job is a free lunch at the staff lunchroom where you eat some pretty decent food from a buffet. On one of my first days at work, I was the only foreigner having lunch in a sea of Chinese people. Naturally, I stuck out like a sore thumb because no foreigners ever ate in there before. I was looking around the room where a few hundred people were sitting and eating, when I caught a curious gaze from an old man.
He had to be at least 75 and when he spotted me he sat up, did a double-take, and looked at me with wide eyes and big bushy white raised eyebrows. It was like he was saying, “What the…??? Who the….???” It was so hilarious! Turns out he is one of the retired staff who has some kind of special housing from the company and an all-access pass to pig out at the canteen. I can always spot him in there from a mile away because with his white hair he too sticks out like a sore thumb. Just a few months ago, I sat near him and he asked me where I was from and so on. I was glad to finally solve that mystery that I’m sure what plaguing him every time he saw me. From now on, if I match his gaze, I give him a nod or wave hello.
So the moral of the story is: I love old people. They’re so cute in their wrinkly, chilled out, dog-loving ways. If ever approached by one, you just need to know how to say two things: where you’re from and what the hell you’re doing here. That usually satisfies their curiosity. Just don’t mess with them on public transport or you’ll get a good elbow to the back.
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